what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Randomize
