Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Randomize
