I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
