i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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