I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
