i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
I think a kid would responsible me up
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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