i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
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