Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
