that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
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