I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
Randomize
