Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Randomize
