i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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