Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
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