Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
Randomize
