the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Randomize
