Who wears a wallet chain?!
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
