I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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