bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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