North Korea, Best Korea!
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
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