Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
