At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
this beer tastes like vomit already
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
My Sexting was not on an AP level
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
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