Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
I like my sex mixed with concussions.
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
Randomize
