ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Randomize