Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
