make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
Randomize
