I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
Randomize