Got a toothbrush?
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
