we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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