the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Randomize
