so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
Randomize