I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Randomize
