i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
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