I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
