I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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