thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
Randomize
