he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Randomize
