as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
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