i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
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