I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
Pregnant stripper...not hot.
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Randomize
