omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
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