summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
