i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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