So drunk, too bad you don't want this
I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
