he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
Randomize
