He asked to "fluff my boner.."
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
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