We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
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