i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
