i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
