Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
This is classic penis vs brain.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
Randomize
