I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Randomize