I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
This is classic penis vs brain.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Randomize
