my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
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