I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
Randomize
