can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
They have beer where we have blood.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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