i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Randomize
