Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Randomize
