May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
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