drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
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