he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize