Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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