No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
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