Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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