I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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