Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
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