I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
