literally had 100 drinks last night.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Randomize
