I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
Randomize
