so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
