it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
