Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
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