these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
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