I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
Randomize
