It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
We talked him into tasing himself.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
