Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Randomize
