i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
Oh god it's open bar.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
Randomize
