WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Randomize
