Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
Randomize
