I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
