The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
I am spending my child support on dildos
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
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