he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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