How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Randomize
