I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
