i barfeds in our rink
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
I enjoy the company of your penis
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
