so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
The feeling are messing with the penis
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
Randomize