In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
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