I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
