I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
