He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
