After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
