Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Randomize
