I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
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