We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
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