Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
