rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
