I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
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