I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
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