I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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