My liver just broke up with me...
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
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