opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Randomize
