did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
