Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
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